Commercial Break

It’s time for a short commercial break. Get comfortable in your chair and watch the wonderful products. Don’t believe the communist propaganda that commercials are made to seduce people into buying stuff they don’t need. Commercials are essential to life and without them even the most basic human functioning would be unthinkable, we would all live and die in caves, deprived of our basic human needs and desire. Without television commercials we would no longer experience desire, and become apathetic, defenseless against the threat of communism. Without radio advertisements we would stop to recognize our ability to be political beings. And without billboards and print media ads we would lose our sense of self. We have made it a number one priority to defend the right to make this society more livable which as per the above findings means turn this entire country into a canvas for commercials.

I are organizing a contest to create the most powerful commercial for commercials. Can you come up with a catchy slogan? Here are some suggestions to get you started: “Commercials – I’m Loving It.”; “Just Do It: Commercials.”; “Beyond Commerce: Commercials”.

Of course I hear you say “but if commercials are so essential then why do they need to be promoted?”

The fatal flaw of that question is that it assumes the basic sanity of present day human beings. Does the present day person have this sanity? Look around you. What do you see? People often blindly follow their biological urges, their unreflected appetite or unmediated sexual cravings. Some of them transport themselves in vehicles that are older than two years – or don’t even roar. What do you think that would do to their self-confidence? Other people, who were clearly inspired by the absence of commercials, have been seen switching off life-supporting devices like light bulbs, space heaters, yes even air-conditioners. Others even, as one of our shocked reporters observed, walk – which is essentially the way animals move. And they call it “healthy”. They’d walk straight into the abyss of communism and not even notice it. Still others drink water from the tap, maybe even slurping it like dogs do – do you think they would ever be able to build any sense of family values? Or did you know there are citizens who sleep without pills (the health risks of which have been clearly indicated in a wide range of different commercials and infotainment videos)? 

Worse still, and I’m not making this up: there are humans (genetically shown to be indeed identical with homo sapiens sapiens) who still breath without a mask. Their insanity is complete, they are apathetic sociopaths stumbling down the tedious slope of their senseless lives, void of desire and humaneness, and endangering our brave new world of capitalism.