Best of humanity

“This is not a vacation, gentlemen” sounded the speaker of the space shuttle. A group of five distinguished white males looked at each other but didn’t seem the least uncomfortable.
“You have been democratically elected because you are the most promising individuals to continue humankind. We the people have voted for you. Don’t let us down in outer space” the voice continued. The men, who were all dressed in elegant suits and most of whom had a modestly protruding belly, nodded.
“The election process has been straightforward and simple, to make sure that also average Dreamericans could join, that is, if they would possess a quality that enhances their survival out there. Every single individual has had a fair chance to raise funds and run an honest campaign to demonstrate their superiority and aptitude for survival in outer space.”
-“Amen!” said one of the gentleman.

Our last hope

“You are in a capsule that is bound to travel for several years through space. All amenities have been provided and there is nothing to worry about. You are expected to arrive on Saturn, that is a little bit more than one light-hour away, in four years time, where we the people will put all our faith in you as you will re-establish civilization there.”
The gentlemen all nodded, and some started humming the national anthem.
“It has been established, that runaway climate change is now unstoppable and the earth will be scorched in its entirety in a matter of years, if not months. Science has shown that this is an irreversible process. Some people have called this a problem, but they don’t realise that their negativity is not taking them anywhere good. You, the chosen, have been selected for your incredible optimism.”
One gentleman attempted to applause at this point.
“Your incredible optimism and belief in the future of humankind is what has made you the sole legitimate representatives of our species in the new territories we are going to conquer. We believe in your incredible skills and unyielding persistence, that you have already proven during your campaigns to become the democratically elected superior individuals of our species.”
-“Amen!” repeated the gentleman who had spoken before.
“I will now go through the list of names. Please stick up your hand if your name is mentioned. Brandon M. Romney of Goldman Sachs. Present. George W. Paulson of Barclays. Present. Rexona Spillerspoon of Rude Oil. Present. Ben Berbanksy of the FED. Present. Nathan Rothwild. Present.”
“You will be the last remaining individuals of our species. All our faith in you, and upon you we bestow the hope of our last breaths. All technology you will need to restart civilization on Saturn is available in this capsule. In case you need to reproduce, you can do so in vitro, and you’ll find eggs in the fridge. May I now have your attention please. Here is a message from our sponsors-“

Flattr this!