Who’s afraid of Roald Dahl?

The big fat fucking giant was really a bone-headed pedo who ate children for breakfast after grabbing them in the alleyway behind the chocolate factory, where it reeked of piss. He enjoyed the taste of all children, even the lgbtq ones, but like every male, he did have a personal flavor: skinny bald specimens who had undergone cancer chemotherapy and would never get better. First, he would rip off their ugly wigs, before boiling them in fish broth, along with some oompah loompahs whose iq was on average lower than white people’s anyway.

One day, the big fat fucking giant was about to start his meal, when the ugly trans cunt mrs. Clit disturbed him in a beastly manner. “Big fucking giant”, she belched, “why are you only catching those mongrels behind the chocolate factory? what is wrong with the taste of my children?”

The BFG didn’t look up and said “they’re fucking Jewish mate. I wanna keep it decent.”

“And who is gonna pay my rent?”, mrs. Clit insisted angrily, drool squirting from the ghastly purple flesh of her mouth.

“I have no fucking clue. You’re a woman, figure something out, women like to crush glass ceilings, why don’t you ride a glass elevator or something. But leave me the fuck alone, you flabby senile cuntface.

“I’m gonna crush both your giant peaches, you ugly son of a bitch!”

“Nigga please, I am trying to eat. Do you have any fat ones named Cohen, I feel naughty today. I can give you twenty quid.”

“Fuck off, you capitalist pig, you never get to taste them, you immoral motherfucker.”

“Twenty-five”, said the BFG, still without looking into the ugly face of mrs. Clit.

“Well in that case”, she said quickly and obediently. “I will go and get the boys. Bon appetit, monsieur BFG.”

“Fuck you, go ask Mathilda it’s time to adjust my cockring, you frigid trans cunt.”