Republican Senator Defies Gravity

Senator Ab Pallin has given a short speech yesterday, denouncing the scientific status of the theory of gravity.

“Like all else our scientists come up with except marketable products, we are dealing here with just a theory. Don’t let them tell you anything, my dear fellow freedom loving, god fearing citizens. Here’s all there is to it: There is this guy called Isaac Newton, and he drops a few apples, then writes down a few formulas about it to make sure it sounds scientific, and calls that the theory of gravity. Most scientists, for lack of anything better, just believe him and so this theory is now never questioned in schools. But ask yourself this. How many of these ‘scientists’ do you see dropping apples on the floor? How many? It is just a theory, and nothing more.

That’s not necessarily bad, there are useful theories, and some theories have their merit even if they are proven wrong later. But these pseudo-scientists must have a hidden agenda. I do believe that for example the government over-regulation of the aviation industry is due to the fact that the theory of gravity is seen as something irreversible. They don’t care about scientific methods or truth, all they care about it making the government bigger by making the people believe we need it. Theories like these are produced in order to stop people flying freely to their god-given destination.

Obama wants to invest more of our hard-earned tax dollars in infrastructure. He wants to build more bridges to protect us against gravity. Can you see where this is going to? Should we allow them, these vile demagogic democrats, to produce more hogwash pseudoscience just so they can force higher taxes, cap and trade schemes, and prohibitions onto the hard-working millionaire’s class?

For all I know, one day one of these brain-dead anti-intellectuals will invent the notion of anthropogenic gravity, and urge us all to pay off our ‘debt’ to ‘future generations’ that will fall down faster. They’ll sit comfortably on their thrones and talk us into believing that we are guilty of gravity, what a ridiculous idea. We need to stop this, so help us God.”

After delivering his speech, a banana peel placed by an anonymous member of the audience caused Mr. Pallin to slip and fall face-first on the makeshift stage.

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